Man Shocks Wife by Filing for Divorce After She Shows Her Red Flags by Helping Her Friend Hide Her Infidelity: 'My loyalty lies with my friend, not her husband'

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Ely Bulnes • Writer and Editor
Dec 25, 2024 4:00 PM EST

Welcome, tea-sippin' ladies. What would you do if you found out your bestie was cheating on her husband? Of course, you should encourage her to stop and to tell her husband the truth — but what if she's only down to commit to the first part? Would you keep her secret? One could argue that the morally correct thing to do would be to inform her husband, but one could also argue that friendship also entails being sworn to secrecy.

In our story today, a woman in this very situation decided that her loyalty to her friend was more important to her than "doing the right thing." However, her husband, having overheard the confidential conversation, was put off by her choice to keep quiet, and ultimately decided to file for divorce. However, if you scroll down to read the full story, you'll find that this couple had a few other issues to boot, and this scandal was just a catalyst. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10446760192
    via Tharakorn Arunothai
  • 02
    r/AITAH u/throwawaravi • 7h Aita for filling for divorce after my wife constantly threatened me with one and now she's saying I am being cruel to her and ruining her life.
    via u/throwawaravi
  • 03
    | 28m been married to my wife 29f for past 1 year, we dated for 2 and half year, we at first wanted to wait a bit longer but decided to ahead with marriage because we trusted each other, there were no red flags and still isn't except this one, we even had access to each other phones
    via u/throwawaravi

    They say don't really start seeing the real red flags until around the 2 year mark…

  • 04
    The only problem while dating and during engagement was my fil, he never liked me ever since he first met me, he would constantly argue with me, when we declared we are getting married he was ped
    via u/throwawaravi
  • 05
    My wife convinced him and he reluctantly agreed, everything was going okay in our life until a month ago, my wife's close friend came over to our house.
    via u/throwawaravi
  • 06
    I overheard their discussion and basically she was cheating on her husband and they were discussing about it, her friend said she wanted to stop cheating but also wanted to hide it from her husband for 'his' and 'their' marriage sake
    via u/throwawaravi
  • 07
    After she left I asked her why is she helping her and hiding it from her husband, she said 'her loyalty lies with her friend not her husband' I said it's not morally right and her husband deserves to know, she said that her friend is going to quit cheating and nobody will ever know and I should keep quiet about it as well, everything is going to be okay.
    via u/throwawaravi

    We love a loyal bestie, but she's showing how she truly views infidelity.

  • 08
    I directly told her that now I am questioning her morality, I said if she doesn't tell him then I will and my wife freaked out and said I will not, my loyalty is with her and hers with me and her friend, I should stay out of it and mind my own business, if I betray her by going behind her back she'll divorce me
    via u/throwawaravi

    Threatening divorce is a major red flag!

  • 09
    I ignored that but for weeks whenever I brought it up she told me either to stay out of it or mind my own business or threaten me with divorce, 5 days ago we had a huge argument and I had enough so I said I am filling for divorce myself If I knew the kind of woman you are i would've never married you
    via u/throwawaravi
  • 10
    I left, but the problem is my wife is constantly texting me and calling me, she's saying I am destroying our marriage for the sake of others, she just wanted to help those who are close to her and I am destroying her life and our marriage over something that doesn't concern us.
    via u/throwawaravi

    She couldn't handle getting a taste of her own medicine.

  • 11
    Shes saying I am destroying her life because she took a huge loan before we got married to pay her siblings student loans and I promised to help her pay it and i bought my house before we got married so I'll kept it, and alimony will be very less cause our earnings are almost the same.
    via u/throwawaravi

    Man, that's just not your problem. You made that promise to someone you thought was against cheating. 

  • 12
    I said that's not my problem anymore, you showed me your true face and you are defending cheaters, but she along with her family and even some of my cousins are saying I am going too far, I promised to help her and I can't back down and ruin a woman's life when she did nothing wrong to me
    via u/throwawaravi
  • 13
    So am I the a h le? I didn't want to lose her but how can I trust someone who defends a cheater? 1,475 ☐ 375 1 D
    via u/throwawaravi
  • 14
    petofthecentury • 7h All of her reasons why "you're the AH" are because of her own personal interests, do you notice that? "I have debt I DECIDED TO TAKE ON for someone else, if you don't stay I have to pay it back myself" "You own a house I don't so I'll have to pay rent" None of her issues with you dissolving your marriage have ANYTHING to do with losing YOU. For me, that's enough of a good reason to leave. Good luck man. Stick to what you believe is right for you and YOUR life. Reply 5 2.1k
    via u/petofthecentury
  • 15
    MyDirtyAlt79 6h Good points. I was focused on the morality issues. I completely missed that OPs wife is only upset about her financial losses at this point. Definitely NTA D 528
    via u/MyDirtyAlt79
  • 16
    jpatt⚫4h Yeah, my friend and his wife were having troubles with their marriage. When the option of divorce came up, the first thing his wife brought up was if she would at least get 1/2 the equity of his home. That he bought before they even met and she had never made a contribution to a mortgage payment. I told him that was all he needed to know to see what she valued in their relationship. ← 203 Д
    via u/jpatt

    Some people really see other people as cartoonish sacks of money or anthropomorphic ATM machines.

  • 17
    MoltenCult • 1h Yeah.. I think that's two red flags for OP... two huge ones. Who's to say wife wouldn't cheat and hide it later? If she can help her friend do that, why can't her friend help her?
    via u/MoltenCult
  • 18
    I'd still tell the friend's husband anyways. Not in a moment of spite kind of thing, but because as OP said, he deserves to know. It might not be any of my business, but you never know where someone's head is at.
    via u/MoltenCult
  • 19
    It could come out later in the marriage as the old saying goes, "What's done in the dark, comes to the light." Eventually, he's gonna know by either a scorned affair partner(s), or OP's wife is gonna get mad at her friend and in a moment of hatred and spite, outs it to him. G 11
    via u/MoltenCult
  • 20
    throwawaravi OP. 7h I guess you are right, but I just had doubts you know, she took loans before our marriage but only because I agreed to help her with it, even before she took the loan she was a good helpful woman that's why I had some doubts if I am doing the right thing or not
    via u/throwawaravi
  • 21
    I have my doubts because I think if my wife did nothing wrong I will lose the one I love and cause her pain but also how can I trust her when she is defending cheaters and helping them? Kinda a difficult decision to make 189
    via u/throwawaravi
  • 22
    kitkat12144 .7h She's talking about her life being destroyed, but there's nothing there about you being the love of her life. It sounds more about money and security than her feelings. Just something to ponder. NTA ← Reply 607
    via u/kitkat12144
  • 23
    jasperjamboree • 4h This. She married OP for financial security, not for love. When she said her loyalty belonged to her friend, NOT her husband-her actions have also shown that her loyalty stands with her friend, not to OP. Tell her friend's husband. If he leaves her, then her and her friend can become roommates because their loyalty is only to each other. NTA Д 146
    via u/jasperjamboree
  • 24
    acsistem 4h • NTA. Filing for divorce in response to your wife's repeated threats and fundamental differences in values is understandable. It's important in a marriage to share similar ethical views, and her approach to her friend's infidelity and insistence on secrecy challenged your principles deeply. While the financial obligations and promises made during the marriage complicate the situation, staying in a marriage where you feel manipulated or where your values are not respected would not b
    via u/acsistem

    This right here.

  • 25
    Lofty_quackers • 7h NTA. In your eyes, she has a moral inadequacy that is a deal breaker for you. That is a perfectly valid way to look at it. And a great reason to file for divorce. Also, she keeps threatening to divorce you. Do you want a lifetime of that? If you are in the US, she's going to really be shocked that most states don't award anything for alimony after only a year of marriage. Reply 74
    via u/Lofty_quackers

    He better hurry up, then.

  • 26
    OkLocksmith2064 .7h NTA. Her siblings can pay her back. And you're just married for a year - what alimony? So she doesn't love you and is upset because of the money, not because of you. Wow, you're lucky to not get her pregnant. Make sure the divorce is final fast. Reply 66
    via u/OkLocksmith2064
  • 27
    NervousAd7170 • 7h NTA if she was so worried about divorce she would have threatened it so much. Plus do you really want to be with someone that doesn't want a divorce just because she needs your help with money? Also a person that helps hide cheating is just as bad as the person that is cheating. Reply 91
    via u/NervousAd7170

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friendship marriage toxic wife reddit story marriage-drama relationships husband cheating couples divorce cheater love infidelity reddit thread red flag Reddit adultery
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